Is My ADHD the Reason My Love Life Looks Like a Jigsaw Puzzle with Missing Pieces?

Right, let's have a proper honest chat, shall we?

Two marriages. Three other long-term relationships. A fair few notches on the relationship bedpost, as they say. And if I'm being truly honest with myself — which at this stage in life I might as well be — the trail of bewildered, probably exasperated exes behind me might just have a common denominator. My good old friend, ADHD.

It wasn't until later in life that the penny finally dropped. That the whirlwind in my head had an actual name. But looking back through this new lens, so many of my less-than-stellar relationship habits suddenly make sense. The forgetfulness wasn't a choice. My brain simply didn't flag birthdays and anniversaries as the red-letter days they are to everyone else. The mental clutter, the lack of organisation — I can imagine that didn't exactly scream "stable and reliable partner."

And my timekeeping. Let's just say "fashionably late" was less of a lifestyle choice and more of a factory setting.

I wasn't all bad, mind you. I like to think I brought something to the table. I'm generally easy-going, I love a laugh, and I genuinely care deeply about the people in my life. When the stars aligned and my brain cooperated, I could even pull off a romantic gesture or two. But the people-pleasing — that classic ADHD trait — probably did me no favours either. Avoiding conflict, keeping the peace at all costs, letting things fester until they inevitably exploded. That particular habit has a lot to answer for.

And then there's the work obsession. The hyperfocus, the all-consuming drive to build something, to get somewhere. It's a genuine superpower in business. In relationships, it tends to make partners feel like they're playing second fiddle to a LinkedIn notification.

These days, the appeal of solo living has become increasingly strong. The quiet. The order. The ability to eat cereal at 10pm without any commentary. Maybe that's self-preservation. Maybe it's just acceptance. Either way, understanding all of this now feels like the first step towards the most important relationship I've ever had — the one with myself.

And honestly? Right now, that feels pretty good.